Name:Amy Country:United States State:Georgia Metro:Atlanta Birthday:12/11/1983 Gender:Female
Interests:Hanging out with my new friends, poker, cooking, playing sports Expertise:I'm a wiz at Catchphrase. Occupation:Event Concierge, World of Coca Industry:Event Sales and Marketing Email:email me Member Since:11/1/2005
Except....what do you do when the guy who makes you smile, the one who flirts with you, makes you feel wanted and desired, makes you swoon and get goosebumps, gets under your skin and into your dreams, and makes you laugh at his dumb jokes....isn't the one asking you out?
I realize it's been awhile, mostly because my home internet is down (or rather, my neighbor's is down, LOL)
Here's the scoop:
The whole Kevin thing is over, done, kaput. Mostly because he brought a surprise new girl to trivia, blindsiding me, making my homemade birthday gift a moot point (it's still in my trunk), and speeding up the "I'm better off without you" process. After spending a few days feeling hurt and rejected (since the reason we stopped seeing each other was because "he wasn't ready for a relationship", and we had still been kind of friendly), I decided that he's too confused and whatever else to worry about. I'm good. I'm content to not be with him.
I'm really going to go back to school. History is my passion, and I'll always regret not pursuing the teaching thing if I don't. So wish me luck. First step: GRE.
My sister's family is coming down in a few weeks, for a whole week! I've got the whole week off, and I can't wait to play tourist with them, and introduce my nieces to the city. I am so excited.
Things are starting to make sense. I feel really close to God right now, and I know that His plan for me includes some pretty awesome things. He's keeping me single so I can focus on my life, my career, my goals, since he knows that I get too distracted with a guy around. Once I get started on all that, I'll be more ready for something more. And after watching two of my good friends get married last week, I know that that will be me one day, and I will wait patiently, because it will be so worth it.
TO THE MAN WHO HAD ME FROM HELLO: (how is it that a man who makes you feel so insecure, can steal your heart so quickly? Can make you go so crazy? And still make you think he's special?)
When we don't speak, I get insecure. And believe we'll always be apart, I begin doubting my appeal in general, And fear consumes my heart.
When I talk to you, for a moment, The world stops and the pieces fit I see us perfectly made in sync-- For the long haul, I know you're it.
From the way you make me crazy And the way I over-think, And when you call me on acting out And make me feel unique.
I see us together, Not now, but someday soon. I wonder if you can see that story Or if it will come true.
So, the man who had me From the very first "nice to meet you": I say this, from the bottom of my lonely heart: I hope you feel it too.
I've had a few weeks to adjust, re-evaluate, and turn my thinking around. And you know what? I'm feeling pretty good.
I've been happy, felt content, and had an overall optimism in my life that I hadn't had in quite some time. Deep in my heart I know things will work out. Sure, I hope they work out with Kevin. Sure, I would love for him to be the man I spend my life with. That'd be awesome. I don't know that that's going to happen, I could be way off base. But I have those hopes, and a big part of me feels like we're at least going to get another chance to try.
My social calendar is quickly filling up, and that makes me smile. I am joining a summer kickball league, we have movie nights almost every week this month, and of course, the ever-present trivia. And maybe some racquetball with Dave. Life is good.
The next two weeks, however, will be a challenge. Tuesday starts my emotional journey back to 2008, and my emotions will be running high with sadness and grief. The last week that Jonas was alive was incredibly dramatic and intense, and I know that remembering those days will be just as much so, if not more, as I now know the outcome of it all. Luckily, I have my friends to spend time with, and I think I will tell them what's going on, so they know how much I need them there, especially on the 12th. I know I'll get through it, and all will be good. But I also know for a fact that there will be many tears for the next fortnight. I cry just thinking about it. God speed.
So I think that's all. I'll post again when there's something different to say.
Okay, so I'm single. And I keep repeating to myself that he still has feelings for me, and that is WHY he left. I have to remember that he's being noble and mature, more mature than I could have been. I still miss having someone thinking about me, and caring about me. But hey, I'm going to choose to believe that he still does, and maybe that will make me smile.
I have to continue on though. This could be good for me, actually. You can't love someone else until you love yourself, and I have always been very far from the latter. So now's my chance. I could see myself falling in love with that man. And if we return to one another, I want to be ready and free to love. So that's my goal for now--finding my inner peace and love for myself. To find a good healthy level of self-esteem.
Another goal? I still want to start a Master's program in Education. So let's get to work on that, shall we?
I need to focus on me, so that I can focus on someone else at a later time. I wasn't mature enough to stop a relationship from budding, and I think I'm glad that he was. This is a golden opportunity that I wouldn't have given myself.
I'm smiling already. I'm going to keep repeating that last paragraph.
